New Year 2011

I still remember the memories of last year's new year's eve.
Me with my best friends were gathering and made a little party.
That night, I went home earlier. Dad forbid me to sleep over.

2010,
The time's running so fast.
The ups, the downs.
Failed, succeed.
Reporting Java Jazz Festival, and then become the photographer of UGM BNI Jazz.
Another job for capturing moment on Economics Jazz Live and the Discover Indonesia Orchestra.

Met my new family, Economics Session Band.

pict by Dhea Laras

2010,
Fallin love, chasing, and stepped back.
Dumped the bastard, and then forgive him.
And then fallin love again, and having a big eager to make it long lasting.

"We fight, we break up. We kiss, we make up"
Thakyou for fulfilling the emptiness in this half year.

2010,
was really a maturity year.
It's also a year that I saw many dramas in my life, and learn how to not generalized all the good people.
Good always good, but there are also many devils behind the good faces. Just for my note to be careful.

2011.
It'll be coming tonight.
As what I did last year, I'll enjoy it with my best friend.
And daddy allows me to sleep over. The biggest difference between last year and the present.
This is what I call maturity.
Am 18, and I have more responsibility to take in the next year on 19.

I've wrote some resolution for 2011. The thing I was never done before.
Hope I can write here very soon in order to remind me during next year.

Bye all! I've got to go.
Enjoy your party.
Party safe.

HAPPY NEW YEAR 2011

Just Saying Hi

Well, long time not writing here. College were a bit more crazy this semester. And I actually still have some stocks of stage-photo to upload and pictures from several events held in my campus that I really want to share here. But since my computer's power goes down and it works SLOWLY, I couldn't do much. Photoshop doesn't work well. The worst shit happened lately, I lost my external harddisk. Means that I lost my old pictures, Java Jazz, Ngayogjazz, and most of my earlier photographs. Pathetic. :(

Ok, forget about sadness. Let's move on. By the way, now I really in the mood of making video with DSLR. Many inspirations come and I don't know why they look SUPER COOL even the maker said that that's the worst video they made. The worst still looks good if it taken by DSLR, in my opinion. Unfortunately, I haven't got one. So, my #novemberwish would be : God please send down a Canon 7D or Nikon D300 to me. HAHA

This is one of my favorite video. I like both of the video and song. When you're in love, every love song seems suit you. And I think this suits me enough.

Or am I too in love?
♥

QOTD

"The more things seem to change, the more they stay the same"

Corrine Bailey Ray

Economics Jazz Live 14th

Here In Your Arms

I like where we are,
When we drive, in your car
I like where we are.... Here

Cause our lips, can touch
And our cheeks, can brush
Our lips can touch here

Well you are the one, the one that lies close to me
Whisper's "Hello, I've missed you quite terribly"
I fell in love, in love with you suddenly
Now there's no place else I could be but here in your arms

I like where you sleep,
When you sleep, next to me.
I like where you sleep... here

Our lips, can touch
And our cheeks, can brush
Our lips can touch here

Eid Mubarrak 1431 H

Smile everyone! The victory day has come! :D

Well, it's already 5 days late from the Eid day itself. But however, I would like to apologize to everyone that ever hurt by my attitude directly or by my wiritings here. We're all back to zero, key? ;)

Anyway, happy holiday everybody!

Enjoy your last free-days and charge your soul, body, and mind before hit the hectic college months.

:)

ps. : I do really hope that we can see next year's Ramadhan with all of our beloved persons healthy and completely. Hope His grace always be surrouding us and our family. Amen. :)

When The Tears Down..

don’t pretend to be who you are really not.

laugh if you trully want.

cry if you need it.

scream if you’re burdened.

don’t place me as your reason. don’t keep me as a burden. it’s just sad.

original post from Sinta Prastiana's tumblr [link]

Well. From the first time I read this post, it was like "BANG!" I was shot right on my head. You know, we often pretend that we're fine and keep smiling to people while we're actually fragile and even broken. Ok, me. I often do that.

I'm not a kinda person who can express my sadness easily. I can't cry that easy. So far, I was crying out loud when my brother and my granma passed away (and when I was in a huge anger, too). The rest, my tears could only hang on the eyelis. It's stifling. Really stifling. Like you just got punch on your chest and the pain wouldn't just go for hours. Even days.

Then, I was suggesting.. and I was pretending.. that I was strong. Yeah, I thought I was that strong before I read this post. I'm learning myself and found that I actually sensitive and fragile but I always try to ignore it.

Well, for some cases, I chose to not cry. Like, "boy cases". These years, I've ever been betrayed.. cheated.. stabbed.. and I wasn't cry. It's my principal thought to not cry for a boy. But after years (and after reading that post above), I feel that those burdens are actually need to be exploded. Need to be burned right after you feel it.

I'm craving for cry, actually. I tried to hide my face on the pillow when I'm sad and get my pain out of my chest. But still, I failed to cry. I keep on my positive thinking that smiling could melt my sadness and gives some positive energies to my heart. But after while, it seems like.. sometimes positive thinking and foolish have only a thin and slight border.

Ummm.. so, I appreciate everyone who could cry easily. At least you've burned some of your burdens. And yah, don't forget to move on then.

Cheers! :)

Another Random Mumbling

Well..

Yeah..

Hmm..

What?????

I actually don't know what to say. I kinda miss write and post something here. :p

Hmm.. Okay, let's find out what thing suddenly pops-up on my mind.

3

2

1

FUNERAL

Hahaaa really. That's the only thing hits my mind.

Well, I actually never think that I'm gonna have a long life. I don't know. Sometimes, it seems like death is close to me. Disesase spreads more dangerous and killing people worse and worse nowadays. Who knows that I actually got a horrible disease in my body? Who knows I got cancer or whatsoever thing grows inside my body?

Hahaa, okay. Don't take it too serious. It's just a random mumbling. I don't wanna die this soon, really. And this is not a goodbye-post. I hope. Hahaa.

I'm thinking, will there many people come to my funeral?

Be good, and you'll be treated good.

The 21st and the 3rd

ps.: Sorry I couldn't play the harmonica. I was just... um... I had not enough confidence to show it to you. I was nervous and my hands was trembling so bad though I've played it thousand times all day, and even a minute just before I called you. Poor me. :(
And.. I know I wasn't the first person who sent you birthday wishes, but I'm trying to be the LAST person who close your day with this wish. HBD Love, have a blast, have a long life. :)

#random mumbling 2

Thankyou for always listening and successfully make me feel guilty by never listen You back.
Thankyou for welcoming me on Your door anytime I need shelter, then finally regret the way I often close my door for You.
Thankyou for calming me down by Your mysteriously-magical way whenever I need.
And thankyou for Your surprisingly-beyond-the-thoughts answers.

Well, I'm totally not Your good kid but... Let me just say thanks for everything.


ps.: Never get bored to my stories, ok? It's always nice to talk with You. Can we meet again tomorrow? ;-)

Moving On

This is a new song from a young talented jazz singer, Andien.

For those who are just betrayed or broken heart... or maybe still remembering the same one, change your mellow and sad songs on your playlist NOW! Try to listen something that gives and suggests you positive energy. Just like this song; Moving On. :)


ps.: This post is dedicated to my bestie Melati Adriansyah who's on her way moving on. Even she made her own hastag on twitter, #MoM, or "Move on, Melati". I like her spirit, by the way. And for you Sist, you have to enjoy your last month on Karimunjawa with anything fun. Kamuja is heaven, you know. You should do random things like what Andien did on this video. Trust me, random things always surprising. You should come home with a moved-on heart. Promise me you will! Can't wait to see you on Ardia's call box. :) Go #MoM!

Huge world for a cutie-little creature

Hello world! I'm Chimory :)

Hi pals! Remember my previous post about kitten-hunting? Yap, and.. after a quite long research and several hunts, finally me and bf found this cutie furry little creature. TADAA! :D

We gave it a name, Chimory, as Dhea's suggestion. Cimo has been about 2 weeks living with my bf in his dorm, and on its 3rd week, it moved to my homey because it's now on "fungi-treatment"(or what-so-ever it called since I ain't a vet).

I think that's all. It's just a quick-post to introduce you my new lover. Mmmh.. Gonna grab my teddy-bear and Cimo to finally fly to the dreamland soon.
Goodnight pals :)

Joyeux deux mois l'anniversaire!

ps. : both of my Photoshop and Corel are broken. This is not the artwork I expected before. The minimalist one. I've got lots of ideas on my mind but my tools, hell unfortunately, are broken. *sigh* :(
Hey, happy 2 months anniversary anyway! Xoxo

Cheesy

Quote from Eclips Movie

"When we were five, they asked us what we wanted to be when we grew up. Our answers were thing like astronaut, president, or in my case… princess.

When we were ten, they asked again and we answered - rock star, cowboy, or in my case, gold medalist. But now that we've grown up, they want a serious answer. Well, how 'bout this: who the hell knows?!

This isn't the time to make hard and fast decisions, its time to make mistakes. Take the wrong train and get stuck somewhere chill. Fall in love... a lot.

Major in philosophy 'cause there's no way to make a career out of that. Change your mind. Then change it again, because nothing is permanent.

So make as many mistakes as you can. That way, someday, when they ask again what we want to be… we won't have to guess. We'll know."-- Jessica's Valedictorian

ps.: I didn't really get the idea of other cheesy dialogues. Well, I actually don't really like them. The only words I love are come from Jessica's speech on the graduation. So yeah, I don't write the cheesy quotes anyway. :)

#random mumbling

I'm talking in my heart. Hope you can hear it through your heart.
Words never good enough to deliver my thoughts.

Every Beginning Has Its End

Yesterday was a terribly shocking day.

A deep mourning suddenly sting in the middle of laughs.

Father of my very lovely best friend, Nabilla Aghniarizqa (Bella), had just passed away.
Heart-attack.

I tried to calm her down, joking, cheer her up.. though I know that it's really hard to make her tears stop. She tried to smile though I know it's not that easy to lift her lips. I could only give my hands to hold and shoulder to cry on since I'm not a good person in consoling.


Sometimes I think God is unfair for not giving any longer time for saying goodbye to people who's gonna left.
It's just... happened. Quickly.
I'm asking God why He could do so; takes good people suddenly.. and quickly.


Then tonight, I found Bella's post on her blog titled "Secret Plan". It deeply touches and affects me. And also, answer my question.

Because God wanted us to always be aware of what we have. Be grateful, until one day come - come pick them up. Because God wanted to keep it quiet, so we all can laugh till the bad news arrived. Because God wants us to pray at any time, for the happiness that can be lost at any time. Because God wants us to see our image in the glasses, that we are only human.

There's a time when we met and saying hello for the first time. But there will always be the time when we have to waving hand goodbye.
However.
Whenever.

Now we're "waiting" our turn.
To be left...
and to leave...


And Bella, I don't know what to say... Maybe you've done your best and.. you're already be the strongest girl I've ever knew..
Just.. be sincere and.. keep your spirit on reaching your dream.
I believe, he proud to see you from above.
I love you, Bella. We all love you. :)

[source]

post related written by Dhea : [link]

Official Post

It's always hard for me to write something about my present relationship. It's been my 3rd or 4th post and... I hope I can press "Publish Post" instead of "Save Now" button. I don't know, it's just hard to begin writing about this. As what happened to me on this relationship, it's just a little bit complicated to begin.

See my old posts? Seems like I was too idealist about relationship. Even I ever thought that relationships are messy and... yap, I don't wanna have one nearly. But hey, you cannot play with your feelings! You can't make rule and instruct these-and-those to your heart. You can't manage, and you can't deny.

It was quite hard for me to finally move on. After a betrayal from, let's say, "someone from my past", I tried to be tough for almost a year, and tried to chase someone else. Stressed out, got ups and mostly downs, I've finally stepped back. At that time I found a new best friend. I told him anything about my crush and asked for advices. He's older than me and quite wise too, I think, so I comfortly and open-mindedly accept his advices. Then we went anywhere, shared and talked much about ourselves casually.

My mind kept on its denial when I felt something special to him. I was forcing myself that it 's just a "comfort" feeling. Even when he said that he loves me, I was refusing to have relationship. It's like... I don't want anything change, even turns bad. I wanna keep my feeling goes on that "comfort" track.

I don't wanna have some-kind-of messy relationship and I still on my idealism about messy-relationship. But I don't know why... I was sure that this could be different. Finally I decided to figure this relationship out (I don't know exactly the date), and also... umm.. yeah, I wanna be more mature (at least I'm learning to). I don't wanna think about his past, his ex-girlfriend, and being jealousy. Keep on positive-thinking and believe. That is the key. And the most important thing is commitment from two-sides' hearts. No need more words, just write it on your heart.

What should relationship be? It's should be when you can share your burdens and make it lighter. Not making any new problem instead.

So then...
Here he is. My best friend became my boy friend, by His mysterious way. We can't deny, we can't refuse.

Fatty-sweet cigar-smelled boy ♥

ps. : is it already June 22? Oh yeah, Happy Birthday to the capital city of Indonesia and my boy's hometown: Jakarta! God bless Jakarta, God bless Indonesia :)

Heaven Is Not

happy end of my day
when i hang my head and hear my heart say
love is such a game you don’t play
you never win anyway

the sun goes down comes the rain
when the water touch the edge of your pain
when the cold air reach your soul
you realize you’re not home

and then one day you came
chase my darkness away
only know i find out what it is all about

heaven is not something you play
heaven is not, is not a promised land
heaven is not, is not where you stay
it’s where i hold your hand

Kitten Hunting

Lately, my boyfriend craving to have a cute furry pet. At the end, his decision goes to CAT. He wants a little kitten one. And well, I can only hope that he won't do something harm like squashing or pressing it. -_-

Today we went to some kind of animal market and looking for a cute little kitten. Desperately not finding any good one, I went to Dhea's homey to play with her kitten.
Miawwwwwwww :3

Uh, dear my ugly oily dingy face.. I'm sure this kitten looks much more cute than you

I think I got the same euphoria as him. :3


ps.: this post was actually just for uploading some picts of me and Dhea's kitten :p

What was on May?

Well, I actually have so much to tell to you all. Been more than a month didn't even touch this site, OMG! Really, this is a hectic busy month on this year. I tagged many activities on my calendar and planner-book. They are Debating Competition on the early month, Charity event, selector on two open-recruitment's in the same week, Charity event (again) with different organization, assignment-assignment-assignment, and the last...

UGM BNI JAZZ 2010

Sold out in D-16 \:D/

There, I took a part as PHOTOGRAPHER. (thanks dhea for your support)
I shot many photos. I learned so much here. This event was different from the previous events I grabbed-in such as Ngayogjazz and Java Jazz. Here was so many rules, for example I couldn't be right in front of the stage for long time. The spectators also sit down and dancing was prohibited.

Anyway, here's some shots I took..

confetti!! \:D/

I'm happy to be one of this SUPER GREAT TEAM. We did very well; worked hard on the days before until this event ended.

So guys, see you on the next event! :)

ps: this May was a very beautiful month. I've found my mood-booster and my energy's charger. Fatty sweet ciggar-smelled boy. I'll tell you later! ;)

Girl Power

Men sometimes look us as mushy figures.
Judge us as weak creatures.
Tears are our weapon to get somebody else's caring, they say.

Fragile.

Trust me, Girl, the only person who can make you stronger is YOURSELF.

This is just about how you can control yourself and suggest that you are the hero of yourself.

My basic principle is that I will never crying-like-a-baby because of a boy. And here I am, still had never been crying even when I dumped and foolishly betrayed by a boy I loved so much.

That principle really made me stand as a tough girl. I never beg him back into my life to re-coloring my days. He left me, I was deeply hurt, I was sad, then I tried to move on however hard it is, however it takes a very long time.

Believe me, the bitterness that ever happened in your life will be just a memory. A memory that someday you can tell to someone else with smile, to make her stronger, as strong as you did or even more. :)

Girl, I know you're all STRONG.

You can be so much STRONGER that you've ever thought.


HAPPY KARTINI DAY 2010

Today, this is not anymore about emancipation but how we can be strong and stand by our own super girl power. That is how modern emancipation works.

Spread the girl power!
:)

Fluctuating Love

Blogging again, finally. Love again, hell-finally. Hahaha sucks! Should I write it here? Ah that's up to you, Bonscha! This place's yours! Pretend that you don't care if he reads it. Ok, let's begin.

A week ago, I felt like I was walking in the air. High, floaty, swinging, and happy. That was a (re-)new feeling of mine to him; a person that since Valentine's Day I've left my feeling behind. I was not confidence, maybe. I thought that he's looking for another type of girl that the personality is too different to me. You know, I stepped back.

As time goes by, I was always comparing every guys who chased me to him. He was all criteria. He was the package. He was the most perfect figure that can't be described by others personality. Stuck on him? Desperately, right! I thought I've really put off my feelings, but in fact he's running around my head. DARN

Then right a week ago, accidentally we were going together. No feelings, at first. As the traffic was jamming and we've got our time longer n we talked much, I was feeling awkward; suddenly realized that all I need is in front of my eyes n like waiting to be caught soon. I tried hard to act casually then. That made me flying in the sky above for a whole week. I'm in love again, I said to myself.

But right on this time, I feel useless! What do I aim? Waiting for someone who doesn't even notice me? STUPID!

"If he's not that worth it to be fight for, leave him! If you've struggled so much but he doesn't even notice and doesn't give any feedback, leave him!" -Nabilla Aghniarizqa

Because we, girls, deserve to get better one even the best.

Well, I think it's better to leave myself at the zero point, that I have feelings to no one. Let love find a way.


spread the love,
good night.
:)

Curious

He could be anywhere.
He could be a person who walked behind me in the mall.
He could be a person who repaired my car.
He could be the guitarist of whatever-band I saw the show.
He could be anything, he could be nobody.
He could be my school-mate, he could be my senior even junior, or.. he could be someone that totally new in my life.

See?
I have no clue.
We all have no clue. Not even one of us.
This is the most mysterious and precious secret of God.

Mate.
Soulmate.

Don't you curious about that?

Stay Young

I've just reached eighteen.
Two years to go to be twenty.

picture by Dhea Laras, on my birthday dinner. thanks dear :*

It feels like I don't wanna grow old.
I don't wanna feel old.






At least, I wanna keep -teen on my age instead of -ty.


Who's in the earth wants to be old?
If life is a multiple-choice, people must choose STAY YOUNG answer rather than GROWING OLD.




ps.: it's written at 3:15 am. in random-feelings and wondering how my twenties will be and the long life after that.

Java Jazz, Camera, and Birthday

Howdy bloggie! :)

I'm sorry I couldn't write anything during Java Jazz Festival last week. I thought I can find any internet connection easily on the venue. In fact we have to pay some charge if we wanna use wi-fi connection. *sigh

And you know, my home internet connection's becoming jerk and worse everyday. It's difficult to upload any picture. Any size of picture, for-the-god-sake!!! *groaaarrrr

So, I'm playing with my luck. Trying to upload some of them. Here they go..

Barry Likumahuwa Project

Syaharani

Ian. he's also on the Syaharani's band


Jane Monheit


the guitarist of Tika and the Dissidents. isn't he cute? :3

Indra Azis who sings "Jakarta City Blues"


The Maestro: Bubi Chen

silhouette of Roy Hargrove

Too dark?
Too bright?
Grainy?
Miss-focused?
Yes. As an amateur, I realize those weakness.

The point is in fact I like capturing concert. I like the way I snatch for the good place n angle with other photographers. I like patiently waiting for the good lighting so that I won't get an over-exposure picture (moreover I'll get a good back-light, too). I like to be on the very first line of the audience, even right in front of the stage. :)

Unfortunately, I wasn't come into the special shows like Manhattan Transfer and John Legend. The audience were way too much and crowded. My desire of taking any picture of them was vanished. But anyway, I had a chance to join the press-conference of John Legend on the first day.

pictures were taken by Erson Padapiran, my partner(-in-crime) :p

I enjoyed this new experience. :)

The greatest present of this year's birthday was, at twelve o'clock on March 8, 2010 I was on Bob James's performance and being right in front of his mini-stage, and I was only a meter away from him!!

Hey, doesn't it random that I actually working on a radio station but I keep pressing the shutter-button?

Take a chance! All life is a chance. The man who goes the furthest is generally the one who is willing to do and dare. The 'sure thing' boat never gets far from shore. -Dale Carnegie