When The Tears Down..

don’t pretend to be who you are really not.

laugh if you trully want.

cry if you need it.

scream if you’re burdened.

don’t place me as your reason. don’t keep me as a burden. it’s just sad.

original post from Sinta Prastiana's tumblr [link]

Well. From the first time I read this post, it was like "BANG!" I was shot right on my head. You know, we often pretend that we're fine and keep smiling to people while we're actually fragile and even broken. Ok, me. I often do that.

I'm not a kinda person who can express my sadness easily. I can't cry that easy. So far, I was crying out loud when my brother and my granma passed away (and when I was in a huge anger, too). The rest, my tears could only hang on the eyelis. It's stifling. Really stifling. Like you just got punch on your chest and the pain wouldn't just go for hours. Even days.

Then, I was suggesting.. and I was pretending.. that I was strong. Yeah, I thought I was that strong before I read this post. I'm learning myself and found that I actually sensitive and fragile but I always try to ignore it.

Well, for some cases, I chose to not cry. Like, "boy cases". These years, I've ever been betrayed.. cheated.. stabbed.. and I wasn't cry. It's my principal thought to not cry for a boy. But after years (and after reading that post above), I feel that those burdens are actually need to be exploded. Need to be burned right after you feel it.

I'm craving for cry, actually. I tried to hide my face on the pillow when I'm sad and get my pain out of my chest. But still, I failed to cry. I keep on my positive thinking that smiling could melt my sadness and gives some positive energies to my heart. But after while, it seems like.. sometimes positive thinking and foolish have only a thin and slight border.

Ummm.. so, I appreciate everyone who could cry easily. At least you've burned some of your burdens. And yah, don't forget to move on then.

Cheers! :)