what. do. you. want.

i always saw a name on my phonebook. i knew all phone-calls wouldn't come by that name.
i secretly checked the old account of my mail. hoped that someday a mail with that name will come.
i silently saw every picture of that name. just to check that the owner of that name is fine right there.

i felt like torn into pieces when you go.
ever i thought that if i need i would just lay on my knees for just begging you to stay.
the first time i almost couldn't handle my tears down and you should congratulate me for that.
but i tried to struggling on my feeling and said "Ok, please go enjoy your world."

it's like a long long wait.
i almost bored for this.
i have been being bored, actually.
like i almost forget that i'm waiting.

the day has come. accidentally come. suddenly come.
"SNAP!"
like a bird back to its nest, you came back to me.

but i ain't like the nest who'd always waiting 'till i become old dry branches.
waiting for just being left again and again by the bird.

because i'm not branches.
i'm a human being.

i have a life to live.
not only for being left but to fulfill with things i love.

and i'm sure of my decision,
that YOU ARE NOT on the list of things-i-love.

bye.

As Long As I Have Music

This is the anthem of my University Choir.

It's really hard for me to leave something I really love. It's bothering me deep inside. I got the passion and this is one of my childhood dream.

University Choir

I've decided to quit because I was way too busy with other activities like softball, broadcasting, and lectures with many assignments. Well, I like to try something new and being active. I also have a pretty well time management instead. But that's not enough. Someday, I realized; Why I do this? What I aim to get? "Loving it" is not only the reason. I have to learn the process well and then get the result as best as i can. So, it's not only because I "love" but it's about "focus" and "result". I don't wanna be half-succeed.

This is the hardest thing to decide in my entire life, so far. Moreover, my tears went down. I've found my "family" here. I have some best friends from my little team for the first little concert. I enjoyed my time with them. It's like leaving home, and losing them is one of the worst part

However, life must goes on. I have to be focused on my softball and broadcasting carrier, and also get a better mark for the next semesters ahead. Thanks for ever been my "home" even just a while. I love being there, and I'm willing to go back someday. I wish I can. :)

Quotes from Macro Economics Class

"Man is born without a saddle on his back" - Thomas Jefferson

"Nobody in the world has the rights to be my master, because I'm the master of myself".

"From the respected generation, we'll get the respectful people".

The conversation between my Lecturer (L) and 3 CIA officers in front of USA Embassy gate when she was attending invitation of her acceptance to US scholarship:
CIA : "Why America, Ma'am?"
L : "Because America is a democracy country. I hate the learning system here that less of democracy and I'd like to feel the real democracy on the classroom. Second, my books are made in America, so I'd like to learn from the source itself."

thanks for a very inspiring class, Ma'am. :)
dedicated to Ibu Endang Sih Prapti.

Pescetarian

howdy, people! i'm really in a good mood of writing something. or maybe i just bored? haha can be both of them. ;)
well, the new semester of college has just begun. it's gonna be hard, i think. i got seven subjects, they are five subjects of counting and only 2 of them are theory. i really thank God i didn't get any night-class because that's gonna be tiring and sleepy. today i got a class starts at 1.30pm. i thought it would be great (because i can wake up late) but in fact? i'm bored to death at home!

back to topic, i'll tell you a little about my experience of become a Pescetarian. what's it? maybe some of you haven't known about it. Pescetarian is person who doesn't eat meat and poultry. seafood, fish, product of milks, and products of eggs are okay. semi-vegetarian? yeah. so far i know many people said so.

and why i get into this life-style? well, i started to feel guilty since my mom bought a chicken for Ied Mubarrak celebration and it still contains eggs in its body. i realized it as a hen that killed when it still "pregnant". how could they did that?? don't you ever think if a pregnant women be killed for somebody else's pleasure?

after that, naturally i lost my sense of eating any chickens and other poultry. you know, it's some kind of traumatic. then i totally decided to not eating any mammals.

this is already 4 moths and i've felt the benefit. for example, before i was being a Pesce i got low-blood-pressure. i've ever consecutively consumed mutton for 3 days in a week as dinner to make my blood-pressure higher. but believe it or not, after i stop eating red meat i never get any low-blood-pressure!

try it! and you'll find the magic!
haha

have a great day, people!
:)

Valentine's Day

Hi, happy Valentine's Day, everyone! well, i know it's late. but i officially started writing at 11.57 pm. that it's still on February 14th. ;)

how's your date anyway? hope you'll get the best year with your couple. me? haha don't ask. with whom would i spend it? mom? haha silly.

well, this month I've been being "single" for 6 months. and you know what, i really really enjoy this situation. i consider that at first it's a little bit hard for losing some care, respect, and love from a guy that i used to get. i also envy some friends who'd just got relationship or.. umm.. wondering why many couples can stand and tough for long time though they're actually got many problems in it. at those months, i also fell in love with a guy; he's warm, wise, care, good-looking, and spontaneous. i liked him very much. i liked spending my time beside him though he doesn't know it. i kept silent and i was just waiting untill (i hope) someday he'll realize it and feels the same way. but time gone by and i think he's found his way to live his life, and i though I'm not there. i stepped back and tried to forget my feelings to him. pretty pathetic. lose even before the war begins.

but it's okay, i tried to move on until i watch a movie called 500 Days of Summer. a quote that successfully stuck in my head is:

"OK. I, like being on my own. I think relationships are messy and people’s feelings get hurt. Who needs it? We’re young, we live in one of the most beautiful cities in the world; might as well have fun while we can and, save the serious stuff for later." - Summer

this scene keeps on playing in my head until i realized that single is happy, single is free, single is time when you can get more own quality time. i should enjoy this situation and i gladly will. furthermore, i'll postpone my plan to have boyfriend until an unspecified time. i'm happy being alone, no disturbtion, free, get closer to my family, and independent.

for those who celebrate with ur girl/boyfriend, or with whoever, Happy Valentine's Day!
spread the love. ♥
:)

Jogja Clothing Attack 2010

helloo universe! seems long time not writing here, isn't it? well, frankly i've got many accounts and blogs and i sometimes confused of which one will i update first. HAHA fool me!

well, i wanna tell you my new experience on Jogja Clothing Attack as a field officer that held on February 5-7, 2010. this is an annual event (will-be) with many local clothing make stands and exhibit their products in it. the Event Organizer, Indipromedia, put me, Bella, and Laras in "ticketing division" which we have to always be ready inside the ticket box. we started working at 8 am. and finished at 11 pm. tiring? yeahhhhhsss!!! but overall, we're happy. we found many unique, odd, cute, handsome, freak people.

i remember Bella served someone.... umm.. "different". the conversation:
bella : "ticket, Ma'am? how many tickets do you want?"
x: "two, please?"
me : (stunned) (half-whisper to Bella) "umm... Sir, Bel!"
bella : "hah??" "oh, i'm sorry! here's the change and the tickets. thankyou.."
x : "no worries.." (waving his hands)

oooookay. at first, i also saw that person as a tall girl with pigtailed long hair. but at the end, i saw that person's chest that covered by transparent tee's ; he didn't wear any bra!! and the only thing describes him as a girl (beside his hair) is his polished face. oh-my-god! i'm laughing my ass off as he's gone!!!! AHAHAHHAHAHAA

many other funny things happen. also the hectic fans of Endank Soekamti, the biggest guest star at that event. overall, i love this event. i got experience, and i got friends. :)


everyday after the event's over, we counted money. don't we look smart and cool with those money, uh? HAHA



Ria, Bella, me, Laras. me, spent a little money to buy hot sales tee's right after it's over. haha




all field officer team, include the LO's and securities boy.


that week, me and my lovers also did a photo session at Dhea's mini studio. here's some of our craziness.





the others? just check out my gallery! (dhea, laras, and theo's gallery too!) ;)

well, this is the last weekend of holiday. i'm gonna miss my late sleep, late wakeup, walking slowly, burdenless, and step lightly.

enjoy your last days of holiday, guys! :)