It's always hard for me to write something about my present relationship. It's been my 3rd or 4th post and... I hope I can press "Publish Post" instead of "Save Now" button. I don't know, it's just hard to begin writing about this. As what happened to me on this relationship, it's just a little bit complicated to begin.
See my old posts? Seems like I was too idealist about relationship. Even I ever thought that relationships are messy and... yap, I don't wanna have one nearly. But hey, you cannot play with your feelings! You can't make rule and instruct these-and-those to your heart. You can't manage, and you can't deny.
It was quite hard for me to finally move on. After a betrayal from, let's say, "someone from my past", I tried to be tough for almost a year, and tried to chase someone else. Stressed out, got ups and mostly downs, I've finally stepped back. At that time I found a new best friend. I told him anything about my crush and asked for advices. He's older than me and quite wise too, I think, so I comfortly and open-mindedly accept his advices. Then we went anywhere, shared and talked much about ourselves casually.
My mind kept on its denial when I felt something special to him. I was forcing myself that it 's just a "comfort" feeling. Even when he said that he loves me, I was refusing to have relationship. It's like... I don't want anything change, even turns bad. I wanna keep my feeling goes on that "comfort" track.
I don't wanna have some-kind-of messy relationship and I still on my idealism about messy-relationship. But I don't know why... I was sure that this could be different. Finally I decided to figure this relationship out (I don't know exactly the date), and also... umm.. yeah, I wanna be more mature (at least I'm learning to). I don't wanna think about his past, his ex-girlfriend, and being jealousy. Keep on positive-thinking and believe. That is the key. And the most important thing is commitment from two-sides' hearts. No need more words, just write it on your heart.
What should relationship be? It's should be when you can share your burdens and make it lighter. Not making any new problem instead.
So then...
Here he is. My best friend became my boy friend, by His mysterious way. We can't deny, we can't refuse.
Fatty-sweet cigar-smelled boy ♥
ps. : is it already June 22? Oh yeah, Happy Birthday to the capital city of Indonesia and my boy's hometown: Jakarta! God bless Jakarta, God bless Indonesia :)
