Every Beginning Has Its End

Yesterday was a terribly shocking day.

A deep mourning suddenly sting in the middle of laughs.

Father of my very lovely best friend, Nabilla Aghniarizqa (Bella), had just passed away.
Heart-attack.

I tried to calm her down, joking, cheer her up.. though I know that it's really hard to make her tears stop. She tried to smile though I know it's not that easy to lift her lips. I could only give my hands to hold and shoulder to cry on since I'm not a good person in consoling.


Sometimes I think God is unfair for not giving any longer time for saying goodbye to people who's gonna left.
It's just... happened. Quickly.
I'm asking God why He could do so; takes good people suddenly.. and quickly.


Then tonight, I found Bella's post on her blog titled "Secret Plan". It deeply touches and affects me. And also, answer my question.

Because God wanted us to always be aware of what we have. Be grateful, until one day come - come pick them up. Because God wanted to keep it quiet, so we all can laugh till the bad news arrived. Because God wants us to pray at any time, for the happiness that can be lost at any time. Because God wants us to see our image in the glasses, that we are only human.

There's a time when we met and saying hello for the first time. But there will always be the time when we have to waving hand goodbye.
However.
Whenever.

Now we're "waiting" our turn.
To be left...
and to leave...


And Bella, I don't know what to say... Maybe you've done your best and.. you're already be the strongest girl I've ever knew..
Just.. be sincere and.. keep your spirit on reaching your dream.
I believe, he proud to see you from above.
I love you, Bella. We all love you. :)

[source]

post related written by Dhea : [link]

Official Post

It's always hard for me to write something about my present relationship. It's been my 3rd or 4th post and... I hope I can press "Publish Post" instead of "Save Now" button. I don't know, it's just hard to begin writing about this. As what happened to me on this relationship, it's just a little bit complicated to begin.

See my old posts? Seems like I was too idealist about relationship. Even I ever thought that relationships are messy and... yap, I don't wanna have one nearly. But hey, you cannot play with your feelings! You can't make rule and instruct these-and-those to your heart. You can't manage, and you can't deny.

It was quite hard for me to finally move on. After a betrayal from, let's say, "someone from my past", I tried to be tough for almost a year, and tried to chase someone else. Stressed out, got ups and mostly downs, I've finally stepped back. At that time I found a new best friend. I told him anything about my crush and asked for advices. He's older than me and quite wise too, I think, so I comfortly and open-mindedly accept his advices. Then we went anywhere, shared and talked much about ourselves casually.

My mind kept on its denial when I felt something special to him. I was forcing myself that it 's just a "comfort" feeling. Even when he said that he loves me, I was refusing to have relationship. It's like... I don't want anything change, even turns bad. I wanna keep my feeling goes on that "comfort" track.

I don't wanna have some-kind-of messy relationship and I still on my idealism about messy-relationship. But I don't know why... I was sure that this could be different. Finally I decided to figure this relationship out (I don't know exactly the date), and also... umm.. yeah, I wanna be more mature (at least I'm learning to). I don't wanna think about his past, his ex-girlfriend, and being jealousy. Keep on positive-thinking and believe. That is the key. And the most important thing is commitment from two-sides' hearts. No need more words, just write it on your heart.

What should relationship be? It's should be when you can share your burdens and make it lighter. Not making any new problem instead.

So then...
Here he is. My best friend became my boy friend, by His mysterious way. We can't deny, we can't refuse.

Fatty-sweet cigar-smelled boy ♥

ps. : is it already June 22? Oh yeah, Happy Birthday to the capital city of Indonesia and my boy's hometown: Jakarta! God bless Jakarta, God bless Indonesia :)

Heaven Is Not

happy end of my day
when i hang my head and hear my heart say
love is such a game you don’t play
you never win anyway

the sun goes down comes the rain
when the water touch the edge of your pain
when the cold air reach your soul
you realize you’re not home

and then one day you came
chase my darkness away
only know i find out what it is all about

heaven is not something you play
heaven is not, is not a promised land
heaven is not, is not where you stay
it’s where i hold your hand

Kitten Hunting

Lately, my boyfriend craving to have a cute furry pet. At the end, his decision goes to CAT. He wants a little kitten one. And well, I can only hope that he won't do something harm like squashing or pressing it. -_-

Today we went to some kind of animal market and looking for a cute little kitten. Desperately not finding any good one, I went to Dhea's homey to play with her kitten.
Miawwwwwwww :3

Uh, dear my ugly oily dingy face.. I'm sure this kitten looks much more cute than you

I think I got the same euphoria as him. :3


ps.: this post was actually just for uploading some picts of me and Dhea's kitten :p